The Moment of Commitment

“The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.”

-attributed to Goethe

I can really relate to this. Early this week, I saw an ad for a local 6 week cross-fit class at a gym near where I live. Instantly I got an intuitive hit that I needed/wanted to do it. I used to do a lot of heavy training while preparing for triathlons/Ironman events in the past and lately I have just been primarily hiking etc. While there is nothing wrong with hiking (it’s amazing!), I was feeling like I needed to challenge and wake my body/system up so I joined the class which starts next week. This week has been amazing…I have watched what i put in my body more carefully and just been imagining what my body is going to be feeling and looking like during and after the class…it has already started to transform…all because of a decision. Please remember this going forward friends. It doesn’t matter what it is for…if you want to be serious about something…make that commitment and see it/feel it happening. You will head in that direction! Much Peace! Brian

That “One Thing”

Through the years, I have had the tendency to be pulled of my path in thinking that “one thing” was the answer to my happiness. It could have come in the form of a woman (relationship), job, pull of the slot machine handle to cure my financial woes or to cross the finish line of an Ironman triathlon. More recently it has come in the form of creative endeavors (writing books and acting). Don’t get me wrong…I have happily listened to my intuition as I created and am grateful for all that has come through me, but subconsciously I was hoping that whatever I created would “spring me to the next level” and everyone would know who I was, love me and clamor for more. It’s a bit embarrassing to even acknowledge it now, but I was looking for validation.

Truth be told, there is no “one thing,” person or action that is the answer. Lasting, sustainable success comes from building a strong foundation through hard work, inner work and listening to your intuition. It’s a whole bunch of steps comprised of inspiration, belief in oneself, failure, success and growth to be prepared for when the time does potentially come.  Steps that I have taken but with the underlying caveat that I would be lovable when they were completed. I now know that I am lovable no matter what I do. I could sit on my butt for the rest of my life drinking iced tea doing crossword puzzles knowing that my self worth is strong and getting stronger by the day. Don’t ask me why it took this long. Sometimes self-awareness and growth are triggered by an event, other times we are just finally ready. I guess I was just tired of carrying all that extra baggage around.

Now with all of this being said…YES! I would love to have all of those things happen. Who wouldn’t want to be in a great loving relationship or have a best selling book or a job that makes you happy to get up in the morning? But I can tell you with certainty now that none of them are the individual keys to my happiness. They are a whole bunch of experiences and opportunities to love, create, connect, enjoy life and grow. As cliché as it sounds, true happiness does comes from within. And it wasn’t until recently that I understood that. I now like myself for just being me, not for any of my accomplishments or successes. And with that simple realization, I am now FREE. It’s a huge game changer. I no longer have to grind, push and strive to please and create just for my own validation.   I can create for the sheer joy of creating. I can now focus authentically on what I truly want to do, not something that I feel like I have to do because it offers me the best chance to reach that “one thing” to fill that void that was within me.

I feel like a new person. One who can be true to himself and live and create from an authentic place. But the ironic thing is…it has always been inside of me. It is our true nature. I just needed to get out of the way, stop believing the false stories I told myself and allow it to come through. Things are so much simpler because I am in loving control of my life now, not my fears or feelings of unworthiness. And you want to know the very best part? Getting rid of that extra baggage has made room for all kinds of truly fulfilling things to come into my life. Works for me!

Just Get the Scone

I just had a mini epiphany while waiting in the drive-through at Starbucks to get my daily dose of ice tea. The revelation said in no uncertain terms “you are pretty darn hard on yourself, Brian.” After sitting with that for a few seconds, I then had no choice but to agree. I am hard on myself and I realized I do it to myself in a variety of ways that are all based on my own personal expectations of perfection. I can be affected by something as simple as what I choose to eat or how I spend my free time. Let me explain. I eat pretty darn healthy…it stems from all those years of training for Ironman triathlons. I got into a lot of good habits and enjoyed how I felt eating healthy food. So while I was sitting in the drive-through…I had a desire for a scone. And as soon as I thought about actually making the purchase, I began to feel guilt and shame with myself because it “wasn’t a healthy choice.” I felt like if I ate it I was not allowing myself to be the best version of me I could be. I then realized that all of these years when I did allow myself to eat something not particularly healthy…I never really truly enjoyed the experience because I felt I was letting myself down. How crazy is that!

I can also be hard on myself when I take time off from working. There is a part of me that feels like I should be constantly clawing away to reach my goals and intentions and if I don’t I will lose ground and risk not “getting there,” wherever “there” may be. I think my chosen line of work has also played into this. I don’t have a traditional 9-5 job where I can come home and allow myself to relax knowing I put in a good days work. I am an actor and writer. Both jobs could be considered competitive as well as sporadic. Because of this, it feels like I’m on one continuous hamster wheel of trying to create content, network, be noticed, audition and find work. That is one hell of a tiring existence if one doesn’t allow some time to breathe, play and set aside the grind from time to time.

This method of operation has been both a blessing and a curse for me. Being focused and driven has allowed me to accomplish a lot of things that I have truly enjoyed, made a positive difference and which contributed immensely to my personal growth process. But some of this occurred at the expense of trying to reach a destination instead of truly loving my journey. I want to love my journey. And that is where I need to let go of the “perfectionist” in me. According to Elizabeth Gilbert, “perfection is a fancy word for fear.” She also thinks that it can advertise itself as a virtue but that it kills joy and happiness. I couldn’t agree more. It has a sneaky way of making you feel special and different while potentially sapping away your ability to start or even finish something.

I can’t be too hard on myself because of the way I used to operate because I know I am here to learn and grow and wisdom comes from forgiveness, which originates from compassion, which is founded in love. And this love must be directed at myself before I can truly share it with others.

I want to move forward and allow myself to truly enjoy something as simple as a meal, time off from work or loving exactly where I am in my journey. Sometimes I make it harder than it should be. And if I take it one step further, it really comes down to me feeling worthy of receiving these simple pleasures that I have been denying myself that life affords. Sounds like fodder for another blog.

By the way…I did get the scone and it tasted amazing!

 

G. Brian Benson – TEDx Talk – Be Yourself to Free Yourself (Finding Your Personal Freedom)

Be yourself to free yourself…

Be yourself to free yourself…it really is as simple as it sounds.  For us to be truly free in our lives, I mean truly free, we need to be our authentic selves.  It means not comparing yourself to or wishing you were someone else.  It means you aren’t trying to be or act like someone else.  It means you aren’t living your life based on someone else’s wishes or influence.   Although in some parts of my life I was being truly authentic, I didn’t step into who I was fully until after I left the family business and followed my heart into writing and filmmaking; creating positive, inspirational messages to share.

What “be yourself to free yourself” means is that you accept who you are and your capabilities.  It also means you are open to learning about yourself as well as tapping into and sharing your gifts.  “Be yourself to free yourself” is holding your intentions in your heart, while having an open mind and no expectations of how you are going to reach those intentions.  It also means that you find balance in your life and treat yourself with respect.  It’s honoring your goals and dreams and not being afraid to step outside of your comfort zone to reach them.  It also means that your light is shining very bright as you move through your authentic, fulfilled life because you are aligning with your true self. 

Where are some areas of your life that you aren’t being truthfully authentic with yourself?

Please, please, please…be yourself to free yourself!

Arizona dreams…

Dreams….we all have them.  They fuel our existence, they let us ponder on a brighter future, and the path to realize them fills our lives with excitement, fulfillment and growth.  I want to share a story with you from an experience I had where I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to realize a dream of mine…  It was back in 2006 and I was entered to race in Ironman Arizona which was being held in Tempe near Phoenix. 

I found myself at the race start treading water with 2,300 other people in Tempe Town Lake.  2,300 hundred other people!  Now, I don’t know if any of you have participated in or witnessed a triathlon mass swim start with 2,300 people…but I can tell you one thing…it isn’t pretty!  To try and help you visualize what I am talking about…imagine a massive piranha feeding frenzy!  It is one large mass of arms and legs flailing about…folks getting kicked in the head, goggles getting knocked off…the first 10 minutes are a bit scary to say the least! 

Alright, so here I am at the start of the race right after the cannon went off… I had always been a good swimmer and had not expected any problems…well as it turns out…I started having a panic attack.  I began to hyperventilate and have a lot of anxiety and felt an urgent need to try to swim over to the side of the lake.  So after a terrifying handful of minutes of trying to keep my head above water and working my way sideways through a tangled mass of swimmers I got over to the side.  First thing I did was take some deep breaths…and then I tried to make sense of what just happened.  I was confused, scared and anxious all at the same time.  Confused as to why it had happened and scared that I might not be able to continue and finish the race and accomplish my year long goal….luckily for me the deep breathing exercises really helped my anxiety begin to pass.  After a few more minutes of relaxing, I then made my way back out into the water and proceeded to complete the swim portion. 

For a moment though…I didn’t know if I would be able to….My whole Ironman dream that I trained for, visualized and made sacrifices in my life for a whole year almost didn’t happen.  I can tell you that the feeling of triumph, relief, happiness, joy and fulfillment felt even sweeter when I crossed the finish line 13 hours later after the terrifying start to my day… I felt like I knew how I was going to reach the finish line that day, but life as it sometimes does…threw a wrench in my works with the panic attack.  I had to re focus and allow things to unfold a bit differently than I had originally planned.  I still accomplished my goal because I held that intention…but I just had to be open to take a different road to get there.  

You are no different….

Connecting Is Everything…

In today’s fast paced, instant gratification, super size me world, where people’s lives are broken down and validated into bite size tweets, it’s real easy to forget to take a long deep breath and remember what life is really all about…it’s about people. It’s about people and how much we all really have in common. We all have hopes and dreams… we all have fears…we all go through struggles and make mistakes, we all want to be heard and acknowledged…but most importantly, we all want to love and be loved…

It seems like our days are spent being surrounded by other people whether it be at school, work, the gym or the grocery store. But how well do we really get to know these other folks? Are we making an effort to do so? Or are we too busy to even notice?

You know…we all have stories. We all have unique experiences that make each and every one of us different from everyone else…and sometimes when we listen to other people’s stories, it has a way of making our stories richer and more valuable…

How does listening to other people’s stories have a way of making our lives and our stories richer?  If we really paid attention we would find many similarities in their lives which might mirror ourselves and give us insight into how we can live our lives in a more fulfilling, inspired and enjoyable way.  We might also find that they have gone through many of the same trials and tribulations that we have.  We might even find that they have many of the same interests.  There are many reasons why we may have something in common with someone else.  We just have to do a little digging to find out.  I can assure you it will be worth it.  

So the next time you give your money to a cashier at the store, drive by some folks asking for help on the side of the road, or make a deposit to the clerk at your bank…just remember that they are people too and more than likely share many bonds, fears and interests with you, and by getting to know them your life may become richer and more satisfying.  Connecting is everything. ..

Keep on movin’…

When was the last time you grabbed the proverbial bull by the horns?  Or in other words taken action on a goal or dream of yours?  Yesterday?  Last month?  Last year?  Never?  If you fall into the last category don’t beat yourself up…you are not alone.  The beautiful thing is that it is never too late to take that long desired action.  What does it mean to take action?  Well for starters what is it that you want to create?  Do you want to be the number one salesperson at your job?  Do you want to write a book?  Do you want to eat better and begin an exercise program to increase your energy and lose weight?  Great, great and great!  It doesn’t really matter what it is as long as you KEEP MOVING FORWARD! 

Forward movement is the key to making our goals and dreams come true.  We all know how easy it can be to let what seems like a small thing sidetrack us and then have it morph into lost momentum and decreased energy toward our goal.  Don’t despair, you are not alone in having fallen into that frustrating and discouraging mode of inaction.  The easiest way to sidestep getting sidetracked is to just keep moving forward.  It is that easy!  I think where people run into problems is that they think their steps always need to be big…not true.  If you are always feeling like you need to be making huge forward movement toward your goal, of course you will run into momentum issues.  Things come up, life gets busy, we have  jobs, and we have families.  There will be times where you won’t be able to make those big forward movements that you would like to.  That’s ok…but that doesn’t mean that you can’t make little baby steps toward your goals while you are busy attending to other things.  I see too many people who truly believe in their goal and have what it takes to make it happen, get sidetracked because they didn’t keep moving forward.  And when we lose momentum, lose of focus usually follows.  Once you lose your focus it is much harder to get back on track.  You know what else happens when we lose momentum and focus?  We open the door for fear and doubt to come creeping in.  We definitely don’t want that to happen.  Although fear is an illusion, it is a force that we give power to and it holds us back and keeps us from moving forward.  It makes us begin to questions ourselves and operate from our mind instead of our heart and intuition.  So with all of that being said…keep moving forward please!  Baby step or giant step, it doesn’t matter…just keep progressing!  Before you know it, you will have made some significant headway into your project.  And that in itself will give you inspiration and you will begin to see light at the end of the tunnel! 

We are magnificent beings capable of achieving anything that we desire!  We have inside of us a reservoir filled with gifts, intelligence, desire and will that is at the ready to come forward when we begin to truly believe and follow our hearts.  I want you all to grab the bull by the horns, move forward in trust and accomplish your goals and dreams.  It is your true nature and birthright!

Dream a little dream…

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer.  Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. ”- Harriet Tubman 
 

I want you to close your eyes for a few seconds…As you slowly open them; imagine yourself coming out of a foggy stupor … at first not knowing where you were or how you got there.  And then imagine… realizing you are lying down on a cot covered in a blanket with an I.V. in your arm, and that you feel absolutely dead tired.  And finally imagine a huge teeth-glaring smile come across your face, and a wave of relief combined with satisfaction as soon as you realize you know exactly where you are and wouldn’t trade it for the world! 

This is the feeling I had a few years back after finishing my 4th Ironman triathlon.  And no they didn’t all end that way!  I think the 97 degree heat combined with my being somewhat under trained were the reasons I ended up in the medical tent that day.  But the funny thing is (some people might call me crazy), I would do it again in a heartbeat.  You know why?  Because it was a dream of mine.

Do you have a dream you want to accomplish?  Of course you do.  So did I.  We all have goals and dreams.  What is your dream and what is holding you back from attaining it?  Is your dream at the forefront of your existence or has it been tucked away and forgotten?  For starters let’s get it back into your mindset and honor that your dream is something that is important to you and that you believe in.  It isn’t going to manifest itself.  It needs fuel!  Your dream is calling out to you and saying; make me a part of your life.  Think about me!  Believe in me!  Bring me to fruition! 

How can you feed your dream?  What is the fuel that will make it go?  First of all you must believe in your dream.  You need to make it an important, integral part of your life.  I mean you need to taste it!  I want you to imagine what your life will feel like when your dream becomes a reality.  Will you feel happy?  Satisfied?  Fulfilled?  Of course you will!  You know what else fulfilling your dream will do?  It will give you the confidence to make another goal or dream become a reality.  Why is this?  Because you will have the momentum flowing from your initial realized goal or dream.  I think you can see where this is going….each successful accomplishment will breed a stronger confidence within yourself which will lead to more success!  Before you know it, you will be living a life of true fulfillment and actualized dreams.  What more could you ask for? 

Something to think about……

Last week I was feeling a bit under the weather… absolutely no energy and a bit of a sore throat.  I believe it was because I ran myself down.  Some of you might know the routine…you go go go and try to do much and not allow yourself to regenerate.  We all fall prey to being sick now and then, whether it was because we picked it up from someone else or in my case push yourself into being forced to slow down.  The end result is the same.  You feel tired, crappy and wish that you could have your normal energy level back.   That is the world that I was living in for most of the week.  I would like to think it was the Universe’s way of telling me to slow down because I wasn’t listening to the warning signals via my intuition.  Whatever the case, it got me thinking.  You see I had plenty of time to do that in between long bouts of sleep and the double dose of movies that I watched daily because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else.  What was I thinking about you ask?  Well being a bit of an analytical person, there was a couple of things that I wanted to understand better.

The first thing that I wrapped my brain around was the fact that I noticed some of my fears were tremendously being magnified while I was sick.  I am normally a very positive, optimistic person through and through as all of you who know me would attest; but during a span of 2 or 3 days I was struggling big time. 

Why was I struggling?  I was struggling because I began to worry about things that were out of my control and things that weren’t normally relevant.   Why was this?  Was it because I was feeling weak, tired and vulnerable?  Was it because I wasn’t in my normal daily routine which included exercise, being outdoors and meditation?  Was it because I felt like I was missing out on the wonderful possibilities that normally lay before me each day while I lay in bed and watched movies not having any energy to leave my house?  Or was it because I now wasn’t in control of my life because of the weak nature I was in.  I came to the conclusion that it was a combination of all them with a heavy tilt toward not being in control of my life.  Here I was, feeling weak and helpless because I couldn’t control my situation.  Normally I am out in the world daily controlling every aspect of what I do relying on my inner guidance and intuition to guide me.  But here I lay, feeling fatigued, weak and definitely not in control.  It is a feeling that I don’t like and never want to get used to.  But then it hit me….as I looked back to the week prior to my having fallen sick, I wasn’t allowing my guidance and intuition to lead me.  I remembered that I was trying to force things and control things that weren’t really resonating deep down inside me.  There is a very distinct difference.  When we allow our intuition and guidance to come through and lead us, we flow along smoothly and effortlessly.  When we try to control things, force things, and push things into place, we become out of balance, fearful and potentially run down just like I experienced.  Although I felt like I already knew this, it was a huge wake up call to continue to trust my intuition and inner guidance although I had temporarily allowed myself to forget this very  important lesson. 

Which leads me to the other thing that I am trying to wrap my brain around…. ever notice that when you get sick you do all kinds of things (lots of sleep, eat better, vitamins, rest, drink lots of fluids) to get well again and then when you are well you do all kinds of things (not enough sleep, eat not so healthy, go go go and neglect rejuvenation time) that can make you sick? Something to think about………..