Back in the Saddle Again…

Healing is perfection…healing helps us grow…healing helps makes sense of what sometimes doesn’t always makes sense….and most importantly, healing helps us to move forward.

I recently found myself in need of some major healing…for the past few months, I had been walking around in a bit of a fog.  For me that meant being tired, on some levels feeling depressed, unsure of my next step, needing some  sort of change in my life and not really caring…a general malaise.  Although I had gone through feelings of being unsure various times in my life…I had never felt anything like this before.  It totally sideswiped me.  It was like I had these emotions come right up to the precipice, but without being able to identify and release them.  It was very troubling.  I very much wanted to come to terms with and release what was brewing inside of me.  Once or twice the emotions started to surface only to be placed back in a holding position…all I knew was that I was unhappy and very much desired a clearing.

What were these emotions bubbling under the surface?  Where they incidents from my childhood that needed identification, understanding and expulsion?   Where they my true nature letting me know that I was a bit off of my path and that I needed to start taking care of myself better and reconnect with what brings me joy?  Or was my driven nature and fears of not living up to my life’s purpose starting to rebel because of my very tough nature on myself?   It would be fair to say it was a combo of all 3.  Although in many ways, through the years I have done a nice job of finding balance, adventure and accomplishment …I realized more recently that I had lost my spark for living in the way that I used to have it.  Although my creativity continued to come through for the most part in the form of books, movies and inspirational poetry…It had become a case of ok…what’s next?  I think what happened was that I so desperately wanted to help others through inspiring projects and writings…that I forgot to help and take care of myself; take care of my needs and relearn how to be the fun loving Brian that I used to know.   I realized that I had reached a critical point…I wasn’t happy, and as I like to tell others, If you aren’t happy it’s time for a change.

What was this change I was looking for?  In my heart, I know that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing… writing, creating inspirational projects and sharing what comes through me.  Yet it wasn’t making me happy— or at least I didn’t think it was.  But what I found out as I delved deeper was that the way I was going about it wasn’t making me happy.  I can tell you that nothing brings me more pure joy than when I am working on a film, self-help book, poem, or children’s story.   My projects just flow through me; like I am a conduit.  But as I looked closer and paid attention…I noticed that my intuitive hits weren’t coming in as frequently or as strong.  It was as if I was driving with no headlights at night.  I have always relied very much on my intuition for guidance.  It was troubling not to be able to tap into it like I was used too.   It was as if I didn’t know what my next step would be….combine that with the emotional feelings that were bubbling under the surface needing release; I was in a tough spot.

At about this time I was headed up to Oregon where I am originally from for business.  Well, the business was finished up a lot sooner than I had anticipated and as so often happens in life…our original plans get scrapped for something much more important and revealing.  Although I originally travelled there for business…the real reason I went to Oregon was to heal.

My healing began when I went into a book store that I had been drawn to go visit.  I was familiar with this store as I had done some workshops there on prior trips and had always enjoyed their staff; they were always very kind and open.   I first asked if I could use one of their small “reading rooms” to meditate and think.  They said no problem…I went back again the next day to do the same thing…the perceptive woman at the counter could tell that I was struggling a bit and that I needed to work something out.  She suggested I have a session with a very talented intuitive healer that worked there.  By rare chance she happened to have an opening that very same afternoon…knowing that I was at wits end…I took the plunge and said sure.  Let me just say that it was exactly what I had been looking for!  Although I am a very self aware person…I knew I needed some assistance to dig deeper.  During the session…she was definitely able to help me find, bring up and release a lot of what had been hanging around me…the caught energy, the misunderstood comments of yesteryear, the unworthiness that was living inside of me.  I was able to begin the work of healing…this was what I was truly looking for.

Without getting into personal detail, I was able to identify some areas and issues that I had been carrying around with me for most of my life.  She also helped me realize and identify my “true” need to add more play into my life; whether it was a bike ride, hike, hanging out with friends or a mini vacation.  I had to incorporate that playfulness back into my life to allow everything to properly flow.  And once I began to do that…I am happy to say that it was like I fell right back into being the real me.  Life felt exciting again… I felt alive and because I felt alive I was able to tap back into my intuition and regain my creativity and intuition.  I was also able to set aside a bit of my “go go go” nature, because I now knew that it wasn’t working for me in the way that I was using it.  I needed to get off the proverbial “hamster” wheel to replenish and regenerate through more play.

Take care of yourself friends…seek help to release the pains you have been holding onto…  they need to be released and are way too big to carry around in your light; as it was with me…it held me back.  I was stuck, I was depressed, I wasn’t on my path.  By being open to releasing what was stuck inside of me as well as learning how to play again I was able to free myself which in turn helped me to be myself.  I want you to free yourself as well… be open to healing, be open to playing and be open to moving forward!

Remember When You Were A Kid?

Remember when you were a kid? If you were anything like me, you were lost in a land of make believe, playing a myriad of games and having loads of fun getting absorbed in the moment.  Think back for a second and try to place yourself back on that prized bicycle or in that special tree house.  Can you resonate with that feeling?  How does it feel?  There really is nothing like playing with your childhood friends without a worry in the world.  Can you feel the lightness of the moment?  Can you feel your worries just drift away?  Can you feel the excited optimism and happiness that comes from hanging around your friends?  It drifts in and out, back and forth while the warm sun stands watch over whatever game you happen to be playing that day.

This carefree lifestyle we led as kids; this carefree feeling that anything was possible.  Where did it go?  You know there is no reason that you can’t tap back into that feeling.  Just because you are older doesn’t mean that it has to be lost forever.  We can learn a lot from children and how they carry themselves.  In all actuality, I think that to be able to regain that carefree, happy, optimistic, anything is possible feeling we had as kids is not only possible to regain, but it is a key component in maintaining our happiness, having a fulfilled life and creating and living out our goals and dreams.

How do we tap back into this feeling?  How do we regain that carefree nature that is open to possibility and being lost in the moment that kids have mastered?  Here are some suggestions…

-Go play.  It doesn’t matter what…just go play!  Grab a Frisbee and some friends and throw it around.  Play a board game with your grand kids.  Go shoot baskets at the local park basketball hoop.  It doesn’t matter what it is…just go play; get lost in the moment!

-Let go of the urge to “do”.  Let go of feeling like you always have to go do something.  Sure we all have responsibilities as we get older…family, work, etc.  But I am a firm believer that we create a lot of habits that aren’t really that important.  Identify them and let them go.  Watching too much TV?  Spending too much time on the internet?  Take some of that wasted time and go play!  Not only will you gain the benefits of playing but you will also release some of the weight and pressure of your perceived “need” to do something.

-Be in the moment.  Leave your to-do list at home.  Just focus on what you are doing at that very moment.  Let tomorrow’s tasks stay in the future.

-Hang around fun, positive people.   It’s as simple as it sounds.  Surround yourself with folks that already get it.  If you are hanging out with fun, positive people it is only natural that some of their energy and fun nature rubs off on you!

-Be open-minded.  Let go of any pre-conceived notions you have about yourself and what you are doing while you are playing.  Many of us try so hard to maintain certain images of ourselves that keep us rigid, sometimes stuck and closed-minded.  Be open to trying new things; be open to looking silly sometimes.  It can be very freeing and look out…you just might like the way you feel!

So please…take a step back down memory lane and see, feel and remember what it was like to be
a kid.  Not only will it provide you with a new sense of purpose, but it will help you lead a much happier and healthier life as you shed some of the mental and emotional weight that you carry.  Remember when you were a kid?

Awareness is the first step….

“Awareness is the first step toward personal freedom.”  - Don Miguel Ruiz

Knowledge is power, pure and simple. As we learn, grow and become more self-aware our world opens up in amazing ways. We stop repeating harmful, never-ending cycles, we let go of others who aren’t impacting our life in a positive, loving way and we get unstuck from our inaction of not knowing our true path. The beauty of being self-aware is that it is an ongoing process. We are here to learn and grow and when we are open to that task our lives become much more enjoyable and free. There are always people that come into our lives at just the right moment to help us learn; if we pay attention and listen. That is the key -paying attention to our daily interactions with people along with the self-talk that comes along with it. There is always a wealth of information coming through us at any given time.

When we find the areas where we keep “bumping into a wall” so to speak we can take a step back to figure out what it’s about and why it keeps popping up. The intention is that by becoming aware of our limiting patterns, we can stop the same reoccurrences of pain from happening in the future. This pain may occur because we are letting our ego get in the way, or because we’re playing the victim card or due to the negative, hurtful company we keep or even because of our own lack of self-esteem. The good news is – these are all areas we can improve on and even eliminate in our lives. Self-awareness helps us have healthier relationships (most likely because we aren’t looking for our partner to make us happy -we know that it comes from within ourselves), it lets us understand where our fears come from (which in turn will help us release them) and it allows us to take flight to make a positive difference in our lives, as well as in all of the lives we touch. 

As I work on my own self-awareness, I work to be in what I call the “observer” role. What this means is that I simply step outside of myself and watch my daily interactions from a distance -like someone standing next to me who is watching me in action. It helps me be rational and get to the core of the areas that I need to be more self- aware in. Since I have been working on myself for quite some time, I am able to draw on past experiences which I have filed away, and have allowed me to really get to know myself. This knowledge in turn helps me be a better me as I go through the second half of my life. Stuff happens to all of us, but it is our level of self-awareness that allows us to flow through it more easily and comfortably. 

Time to go to the “paint” store…

In my first book Brian’s List, there is a cartoon image of me spray painting myself with a can of “respect.”  I make mention of this because there is really nothing more important that we can do for ourselves than treat ourselves with respect.   Treating ourselves with respect doesn’t just mean positive self-talk and making sure others are treating us right. It means we need to treat ourselves right as individuals.

There are numerous ways we can treat ourselves with respect (not surprisingly they are very similar to the action items for being in balance) – being aware of what kind of food we put in our bodies, getting enough sleep, making sure we get some exercise and movement, as well as allowing for quiet time.  Not only will you begin to thrive as you treat yourself better, everything else tends to fall into place as well; whether it is other positive people coming into your life, your intuition coming in stronger or things flowing at a much more even pace.  Can you too paint yourself with a can of “respect?”

 

Dream a little dream…

Every great dream begins with a dreamer.  Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. ”- Harriet Tubman
I want you to close your eyes for a few seconds…As you slowly open them; imagine yourself coming out of a foggy stupor … at first not knowing where you were or how you got there.  And then imagine… realizing you are lying down on a cot covered in a blanket with an I.V. in your arm, and that you feel absolutely dead tired.  And finally imagine a huge teeth-glaring smile come across your face, and a wave of relief combined with satisfaction as soon as you realize you know exactly where you are and wouldn’t trade it for the world!

This is the feeling I had a few years back after finishing my 4th Ironman triathlon.  And no they didn’t all end that way!  I think the 97 degree heat combined with my being somewhat under trained were the reasons I ended up in the medical tent that day.  But the funny thing is (some people might call me crazy), I would do it again in a heartbeat.  You know why?  Because it was a dream of mine.

Do you have a dream you want to accomplish?  Of course you do.  So did I.  We all have goals and dreams.  What is your dream and what is holding you back from attaining it?  Is your dream at the forefront of your existence or has it been tucked away and forgotten?  For starters let’s get it back into your mindset and honor that your dream is something that is important to you and that you believe in.  It isn’t going to manifest itself.  It needs fuel!  Your dream is calling out to you and saying; make me a part of your life.  Think about me!  Believe in me!  Bring me to fruition!

How can you feed your dream?  What is the fuel that will make it go?  First of all you must believe in your dream.  You need to make it an important, integral part of your life.  I mean you need to taste it!  I want you to imagine what your life will feel like when your dream becomes a reality.  Will you feel happy?  Satisfied?  Fulfilled?  Of course you will!  You know what else fulfilling your dream will do?  It will give you the confidence to make another goal or dream become a reality.  Why is this?  Because you will have the momentum flowing from your initial realized goal or dream.  I think you can see where this is going….each successful accomplishment will breed a stronger confidence within yourself which will lead to more success!  Before you know it, you will be living a life of true fulfillment and actualized dreams.  What more could you ask for?

Originally posted Oct. 18th, 2010

Be yourself to free yourself…

Be yourself to free yourself…it really is as simple as it sounds.  For us to be truly free in our lives, I mean truly free, we need to be our authentic selves.  It means not comparing yourself to or wishing you were someone else.  It means you aren’t trying to be or act like someone else.  It means you aren’t living your life based on someone else’s wishes or influence.   Although in some parts of my life I was being truly authentic, I didn’t step into who I was fully until after I left the family business and followed my heart into writing and filmmaking; creating positive, inspirational messages to share.

What “be yourself to free yourself” means is that you accept who you are and your capabilities.  It also means you are open to learning about yourself as well as tapping into and sharing your gifts.  “Be yourself to free yourself” is holding your intentions in your heart, while having an open mind and no expectations of how you are going to reach those intentions.  It also means that you find balance in your life and treat yourself with respect.  It’s honoring your goals and dreams and not being afraid to step outside of your comfort zone to reach them.  It also means that your light is shining very bright as you move through your authentic, fulfilled life because you are aligning with your true self. 

Where are some areas of your life that you aren’t being truthfully authentic with yourself?

Please, please, please…be yourself to free yourself!

Something to Think About…

Last week I was feeling a bit under the weather… absolutely no energy and a bit of a sore throat.  I believe it was because I ran myself down.  Some of you might know the routine…you go go go and try to do much and not allow yourself to regenerate.  We all fall prey to being sick now and then, whether it was because we picked it up from someone else or in my case push yourself into being forced to slow down.  The end result is the same.  You feel tired, crappy and wish that you could have your normal energy level back.   That is the world that I was living in for most of the week.  I would like to think it was the Universe’s way of telling me to slow down because I wasn’t listening to the warning signals via my intuition.  Whatever the case, it got me thinking.  You see I had plenty of time to do that in between long bouts of sleep and the double dose of movies that I watched daily because I didn’t have the energy to do anything else.  What was I thinking about you ask?  Well being a bit of an analytical person, there was a couple of things that I wanted to understand better.

The first thing that I wrapped my brain around was the fact that I noticed some of my fears were tremendously being magnified while I was sick.  I am normally a very positive, optimistic person through and through as all of you who know me would attest; but during a span of 2 or 3 days I was struggling big time. 

Why was I struggling?  I was struggling because I began to worry about things that were out of my control and things that weren’t normally relevant.   Why was this?  Was it because I was feeling weak, tired and vulnerable?  Was it because I wasn’t in my normal daily routine which included exercise, being outdoors and meditation?  Was it because I felt like I was missing out on the wonderful possibilities that normally lay before me each day while I lay in bed and watched movies not having any energy to leave my house?  Or was it because I now wasn’t in control of my life because of the weak nature I was in.  I came to the conclusion that it was a combination of all them with a heavy tilt toward not being in control of my life.  Here I was, feeling weak and helpless because I couldn’t control my situation.  Normally I am out in the world daily controlling every aspect of what I do relying on my inner guidance and intuition to guide me.  But here I lay, feeling fatigued, weak and definitely not in control.  It is a feeling that I don’t like and never want to get used to.  But then it hit me….as I looked back to the week prior to my having fallen sick, I wasn’t allowing my guidance and intuition to lead me.  I remembered that I was trying to force things and control things that weren’t really resonating deep down inside me.  There is a very distinct difference.  When we allow our intuition and guidance to come through and lead us, we flow along smoothly and effortlessly.  When we try to control things, force things, and push things into place, we become out of balance, fearful and potentially run down just like I experienced.  Although I felt like I already knew this, it was a huge wake up call to continue to trust my intuition and inner guidance although I had temporarily allowed myself to forget this very  important lesson. 

Which leads me to the other thing that I am trying to wrap my brain around…. ever notice that when you get sick you do all kinds of things (lots of sleep, eat better, vitamins, rest, drink lots of fluids) to get well again and then when you are well you do all kinds of things (not enough sleep, eat not so healthy, go go go and neglect rejuvenation time) that can make you sick? Something to think about……….. 

(This is a repost.   Something to Think About was originally published during the Summer of 2010.  The information is so valuable, I wanted to repost and remind everyone!)